The Best Accounting Joke In The History of The World? Well, Maybe Not…

We’re almost to April 15. In that spirit, enjoy this fine accounting joke! Pass the link around to your co-workers, clients and referral sources.

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and then give the lemon to a patron.

Anyone who could squeeze another drop of juice out would win the money. Many people tried, but no one could do it.

One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit. He said in a squeaky voice, “I’d like to try the bet.” After the laughter died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon and squeezed it. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man who clenched it in his small fist.

Soon the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as six drops of juice fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000 and asked the little man, “What do you do for a living?”  The little man replied with a winning smile, “I work for The IRS.”

Lemon Drink

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What’s On Your Highlight Reel?

As always, Accounting Today’s Top 100 Firms edition is so full of substance it’s like going to a meat ‘n cheese buffet. Strap on the feed bag. The section that grabs my interest first every year is the “Firm Highlights” summary. Each Top 100 firm has but a few lines to put their best foot forward touting their crowning achievements of the previous twelve months. Most of these firms display their broad strokes in this section with mentions of mergers, acquisitions and new service lines. For those firms declaring “had revenue growth of x-percent,” it leaves me thinking that nothing special happened with their firm and that they merely grabbed a few new clients and it was all business-as-usual. I suppose some years are like that, but I do wonder what’s below the surface of that “ten-percent growth” statement.

The following are some of the “firm highlights” that struck me:

*Moving to managing by service line
*Formed two new service areas: a specialty tax services group and a transaction advisory services group
*Expanded strategic planning task force to include “up and comers”
*Deepened industry expertise through hiring experienced staff
*Fastest growing client category – real estate
*Launched an online risk management tool
*Formalized wealth management practice

What is your firm or company doing in 2013 that will be worthy of the highlight reel this time next year? It had better be something more dynamic than:

*Moved to a new office building
*Had a hip deejay at the post-April 15 party
*Got a new coffee machine in the company kitchen

Coffee Pot_Old

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Looking Back Through the Andersen Window

Wow…it’s been 10 years?  I recall being out the evening of April 15, 2002 and conversing with a large group of Arthur Andersen tax personnel who’d been given termination notices that afternoon as things unraveled. They were well beyond control of their senses…but I reckon it didn’t matter much to them at that moment in time.  I felt very badly for them.

I often wonder if the Bush administration could have called off the Federal prosecutors–or at least urged restraint–and allowed Andersen an opportunity to recover. The charges and motions came so swift and furious they never got that chance. Assuming the President could have intervened, either by order or through the Justice Department, why didn’t he?  Why did 84,980 innocent employees have to pay that kind of price for the 20 or so who were tainted by Enron?

I think it’s one of the great business tragedies of the last decade.

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It’s quiz time, accounting folks

Trivia Question:
What Top 100 accounting firm has only one client?

Hint #1:
The firm is based in Alexandria, Virginia.

Hint #2:
The firm’s sole client is the federal government.

Hint #3:
The CEO’s name is Ed Kearney.

Answer:
Kearney & Co.

You can use this around the office water cooler if you like.  No charge.